I warn you, I am going to purposefully make this list a little out of the ordinary. Getting into debates about things like best and worst is almost as boring as reading a dishwasher manual. As you are reading, don’t read into anything too much. All of these books are also from my read shelf only as I want to be able to speak to the book’s contents and not just some outward metric.
Best Book: House of Leaves—Mark Z. Danielewski
When I say that House of Leaves is my best book, I do not mean that it is the best story I own on paper. I mean that the book itself, the way it was constructed into a thing that you can hold, makes it the best book in my collection—see, I told you this list would be a little weird. There are some books that you shouldn’t put on a screen or listen to, and this is one of them. House of Leaves is best read by yourself in a dark room at night if you can stomach it, and it’s far more than just the words that will have you going mad. It’s the book, how it is laid out, and how it communicates to you almost subliminally. Also, as far as first words go, this book has the perfect opening page.
Worst Book: The Count of Monte Cristo—Alexandre Dumas
Do I think The Count of Monte Cristo is a bad book? Not by a long shot. It may well still be the best revenge story ever written. John Wick doesn’t have anything on Edmond Dantès. It’s my copy of this book that’s bad. I read this in high school, it was my walking around book. It’s a thick and dense paperback that I shoved in and out of my backpack hundreds of times. The spine is barely readable through the creases and though nothing has started to separate yet, usually my metric for buying a new copy, it is still holding itself together by the thinnest of margins.
Most Valuable Book: The Name of the Wind—Patrick Rothfuss
My copy, or at least the copy I am referring to is a signed 10-year anniversary edition. Does that make it overly valuable? Not really. I have books that likely cost more new (I bought this one already signed), but this book is valuable to me, and that’s what I am measuring here. The Name of the Wind really opened up my mental doors to modern fantasy when it came out. I’d read Tolkien at that point, and many other things, but I’d mostly stayed away from most fantasy. I don’t know if I ever would have read Game of Thrones, or started into the Cosmere without The Name of the Wind. I think I may have bought this book more times than any other. I have two hardcovers on my shelf now. I know I’ve given at least one hardcover away and I started with a paperback. I also own the audio version and an e-book copy. When it comes to The Name of the Wind, I am covered, and this signed copy holds a special place in my heart and my shelf.
Largest Book: The Lord of the Rings—J.R.R. Tolkien
This was a close one. I didn’t go by page count or even word count. If I had, I know it could be beaten. Instead, I went by physical size. I had to do some comparisons to be sure, I even pulled out my Complete Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy with all six books, and my copy of The Lord of the Rings beat it out by virtue of its protective box. This mostly comes down to the edition I have which is the 50th anniversary edition. I guess you can still buy it and wouldn’t you know, it costs more than the signed The Name of the Wind copy. I didn’t have to look far or hard to prove my point.
Smallest Book: Vic and Blood—Harlan Ellison
This was a close one. I have a few thin books hanging out on my shelf. Some skipped putting anything on the spine at all because the spine was so small. Vic and Blood did have the title on the spine, but at only 79 pages and with similar dimensions to my other thin books, I had to give it to this. Looking for a quick but interesting read, really you can’t go wrong with pretty much anything that Harlan Ellison has written.
Most Embarrassing Book: Pounded by Politics—Chuck Tingle
I bought this book at a time when I was very disillusioned with politics, as I’m sure we all were and perhaps still are. I was hoping for a laugh and mostly ended up hate-reading it through to the finish. What I thought would be a book making fun of political figures was just over-the-top scenes of intercourse between unlikely politicians and characters. It’s a book that somehow took itself too seriously and not seriously enough at the same time. Still, it’s on my shelf for better or worse.
Most Obscure Book: The Emperor of All Things—Paul Witcover
Do you remember when Will Hunting read his therapists’ books before they had a meeting? In a similar fashion, I had a published professor, and this was his book. It’s a decent book with an interesting idea, but it’s pretty uncommon. I have never seen it anywhere other than Amazon and on my bookshelf.
Least Obscure Book: The Stand—Stephen King
Hear me out. You may say The Lord of the Rings would be the stronger answer, but I disagree. The Stand is the least obscure book I think I own that is least obscure as just a book. It never had a movie or show, at least that I am aware of. Nearly everyone knows of it or has read it, but it definitely wasn’t assigned reading in grade school for anyone. My copy is a little old, and a little beat up, but I would guess that it is a strong contender for best-selling novel without a show/movie to its name.
Coolest Book: Tress of the Emerald Sea—Brandon Sanderson
Brandon Sanderson, you and your Dragonsteel team did an amazing job with your Secret Project books. I have all four (and a pre-order in for the fifth), but have been holding off on Yumi and Sunlit until I get further into the Cosmere. All could have been contenders for this category because they just look and feel so cool. Ultimately, I think The Frugal Wizard’s Handbook for Surviving Medieval England is perhaps a little cooler physically in the blue with foil shining bright and little illustrations on nearly every page, but Tress had the better story and it’s almost equal in pure cool factor, so I let it edge out and win this category.
Quote of the Moment:
“This is not for you.”
― Mark Z. Danielewski, House of Leaves
Current Reads:
Shadow and Bone by Leigh Bardugo
Oathbringer by Brandon Sanderson